A Touch of Imperfect
by madparty99
Summary: A dream turned into a nightmare, withholding the truth, fearing the other... spells out romance right? Elizabeth and Raymond must look at what is truly wrong and fix what is crumbling at their feet. Lizzington.
1. Chapter 1

Well this story is my gift to Vincia for the Secret Santa swap, so I really hope you enjoy this!

I don't own anything just using the wonderful characters...

"And it was the touch of imperfect upon the would-be perfect that gave the sweetness, beacause it was that which gave the humanity"

― Thomas Hardy, Tess of the D'Urbervilles

Chapter 1:

Her eyes were darting their focus around the room, her heart rate well above average, as well as her extremities shaking. It feels like the floor broke underneath her and she was free falling.

This isn't the first time Liz had woken up from this nightmare, to find him sleeping soundly with his arms wrapped around her waist holding her closely to him. Like he is afraid she would leave him.

The nightmare always starts off the same way; Liz and Red are married. Or at least that's what the matching bands around their ring finger suggests. That gives Liz the first sign that she is dreaming. There is no way Red would ever allow that to happen, it is way too dangerous and a man like him would never be tied down to one women. That doesn't stop Liz from being in a relationship with him, she cares for him deeply and not that she would say but she loves him. She just pretends and tells herself that he isn't going to leave her, or do anything to hurt her.

This reoccurring dream is just the manifestation of all of her fears she refused to acknowledge.

And as a couple they are walking hand in hand somewhere Liz knows but not consciously.

And everything is just peaceful.. The sounds and scents of the outdoors mixed with her best friend and lover holding her hand. If the dream could just continue, just like it is at that moment, life would be wonderful.

Then out of now where, and at various points in the dream Red pulls out a gun. Sometimes it right after she looks down at there hands and smiles, other times it's after they kiss and other times it's after Liz says the three little words non-dream Red has never heard escape her lips.

Once the gun is out it only takes a matter if seconds before the muzzle of the gun is placed against the left rib cage. And he laughs dangerously and pulls the trigger.

To which bring us to the end of Liz's dream, or rather her worst nightmare.

This time felt so different, maybe because he was so angry with her last night because she screwed up and allowed the suspect to run away from them.

/././././././././.

"Seriously Elizabeth?" Her growled at her the second they were inside of his safehouse and away from the eyes of the FBI and random passers by.

"That was the last of my contacts for this blacklister and because of your mistake he is gone!" Red yelled; he had never yelled at her.

"I'm sorry! Ok? You never told me who I was to play in this meeting so I went in as Elizabeth Keen, the FBI agent because... I don't know... That's who I am! Do you honestly think I would compromise the case on purpose?" Liz yelled back as she failed to see how it was her fault.

"That's who you are? Really because I took you for a hell of a lot smarter than what you showed in there. And seeing that I clearly don't know who you are, I don't know if you would compromise this on purpose."

Red poured himself a glass of scotch without asking her if she wanted anything, threw it back drinking it in only a few sips and slammed it on the table. Only adding fuel to Liz's anger.

"I guess I don't know you either." She whispered, unwilling to cry in front of him.

"Nope, you really don't, sweetheart." The criminal said with a laugh laced into the comment.

"I'm going to bed. I am sorry about my mess up today, regardless of what you may think I didn't do it on purpose and I wouldn't try to compromise anything you are helping us achieve. In regards to us, I really thought I knew you better. I'm gonna sleep in a guest room, don't come in." Liz said flustered, upset and angry. She thought that leaving the situation would be best before she stabbed another pen into his neck.

He let her leave without another word.

Red walked over to the back door, gently pulling it open to go sit out on the patio, even if it was the middle of winter. He needed to think. Yes, he didn't explicitly tell her, "you cannot be yourself as it will cause ruin to the entire case." But he did mention that law enforcement was a stressor and would cause him to panic. And maybe he overreacted, but she needed to understand how detrimental it was to the case. A cigar later he calmed down, this wasn't worth losing his Lizzie over.

Knocking lightly on her door, he could hear faint sobs coming from her. "Lizzie, sweetheart, can we talk?"

"Red...?" She said shocked and rather confused.

He opened the door slightly and saw Elizabeth sitting on the floor against the bed, eye makeup smeared all down her cheeks and her eye burning red making her blue pupils appear brighter. She was truly beautiful. "Oh sweetheart."

"Red, I'm so so sorry. I really didn't mean to screw everything up so badly. You just didn't tell me and so I so stupidly believed I was being myself... Which really is me being myself. And... And I know you mentioned before that he got freaked out from law enforcement and I was still stupid..." Liz was sobbing harder than before. "I'm so sorry! Please don't leave. Please continue working on the list, please don't let me be what causes this to end... I'll stop being on the task force and we clearly can't be together... Just I'm sorry."

Red was shocked, too shocked to interrupt her, but when she finished he knew that he had to do something. Red sat on the floor and pulled her unto his lap, pushing his lips almost roughly against hers holding her hips tightly afraid she would try to pull away. Releasing her lips after a moment, he maintained his grip on her hips. "Of course I am going to continue my list, one mistake isn't going to stop us, but I only speak to Elizabeth Keen." He shot her a smile. "As for us, I don't think we are over. I'm not over you at least."

Tears still slowly rolled down her face, "Why did you say those things to me?"

"I was mad. Horribly mad at the situation and truthfully, you. After thinking for a while, I found myself more at fault than you. And I'm the one who should be apologizing profusely, not you love, you were acting how you have been trained. Which to go along with that, you are not stupid." He took her face in between his hands. "You are brilliant and one moment doesn't change that." Feeling cautiously daring he leaned forward and pressed at quick kiss to her nose. "You're also quite beautiful."

Liz couldn't help but grin at him. He was so frustrating but then he did things like that and her heart melts.

"I should be mad at you, I know I should. But then you kiss my nose and I can't help but feel my heart flutter and my anger dissipate." She looked at him, waiting. He had to make the next move, and she wasn't going to give in anymore than she just did.

"Oh Lizzie..." Red flashed her a crooked smile before he flipped them over so her back was against the carpeted floor and he was balanced on his forearms above her.

Red leaned forward to start kissing her, however was stopped when her hands pushed him at his chest. "What is it?"

"We can't do this. I am still mad at you and there is no way you are completely over it. And if we do this tonight then the next fight we have instead of even talking through it we are gonna end up here."

"I hope we would end in bed..."

Liz cut off the end, "No! Don't try to make this a joke."

"Okay Lizzie, we won't do this tonight. But, you are coming to bed with me." Red stood up pulling her up with him. He looked into eyes and briefly smiled before leaning in to kiss her cheek.

"You can kiss me at least." Liz smiled. Red leaned forward pressing his lips against hers, and hands at her hips. Liz responded immediately, wrapping her arms around his neck and slowly running her tongue against Red's bottom lip.

When they pulled apart Red grabbed her hand and he led her into their bedroom. Instead of their usual, which is undressing the other before they changed for bed, they went separate ways.

Laying down first, Red watched her pull her shirt off and over her head, unclip her bra and slide his button down over her shoulders, completely unaware of his watchful eyes. After removing her pants she walked over to the bed and caught him smirking. "You watched me change didn't you."

"Let's go to sleep, it's been a long day." Red wrapped his arms around her and they fell asleep.

/

Well now Liz is where she is and even though they made up that memory made her dream appear lifelike. It breathed life into an already terrifying nightmare.

Liz must have been shaking more than usual and startled Red from his slumber. He mumbled something against her neck. And when that didn't calm her Red rolled her over to get a good at her face before moving to switch on the bedside lamp.

Liz's eyes were red, bloodshot and filled to the edge with tears. Her rate rate is way faster than usual, and Liz is practically hyperventilating. Along with her shaking arms and legs.

"Lizzie, sweetheart, are you okay?"

Liz searches his face and notices how distraught he is.

"You would never want to...to get rid me, would you?" Tears flooding her eyes and leaving trails down her cheeks.

"My dear! Heavens no! You are the most important thing to me! I would never and will never hurt you." He lightly pressed his lips to hers. "I won't push you right now to tell me, but at some point you are going to okay? And we can fix this."

Liz buried her face into his neck and felt his warm hand travel up and down her back. Neither fell back asleep that night.

Almost a week later Red was no closer to figuring out what her dream was about. And Liz was becoming more and more distant.

"Red! I don't want to talk about it! Please don't make me!" She was crying and yelling. And he just kept getting closer to her and... And Liz was terrified.

"Elizabeth! You won't let me touch you, won't let me kiss you, and you can't even talk to me without you being scared of me. So darling please tell me!" Red calmly but his tone was becoming increasingly angrier and louder as he spoke.

"I can't tell you." Liz yelled.

"I thought you would want to fix us, Lizzie. But clearly you don't want to." Red gave up and turned to walk away from her, running his hands across his shaved head.

"Are you saying we aren't a thing anymore?" Her voice increasingly getting higher in pitch and the tears falling faster down her face.

"As much as it pains me to say it, Lizzie, yes. I am saying we aren't together anymore. I'm sorry you don't trust me enough, and I will never let anything happen to you. But we are only hurting each other."

Red grabbed his fedora and his jacket and walked out of their apartment. Out of her life forever, it seemed. For all Liz knows she could be out of a job already. Liz really screwed things up this time.

This is exactly what she was afraid of with their last fight and her dream.


	2. Chapter 2

Instead of continuing her shocked stance as he walked out of the apartment Liz ran out the door after him.

"Raymond!" Liz yelled desperately as she saw him stop at the back door or the black sedan. Slowly he turned around to face her, trying to keep his face disinterested while in actually the pain he was experiencing was more intense than the burns along his back caused him.

"Elizabeth-" He tried to stop her.

"No! No, please! Please come back. I'll tell you! I'll tell you!" The tears flowing down her cheeks glistened in the winter sun. She looked more than beautiful at this moment.

"Elizabeth, you don't trust me. I'm not coming back to have you do this again." He said dispassionately.

"But-"

"Stop, Elizabeth. Now. I don't want the buts." Red tells her harshly. "You clearly don't trust me. Don't tell whatever happened in your dream now and promise me that things are gonna change because trust doesn't just appear. It takes time. And I don't even have a single clue on how to gain yours. I have tried everything and I thought we were good. But, you know what Elizabeth? We aren't."

Liz stood in front of him mouth open. Did he just tell me off? Fine then.

"You know what Raymond?" She used his words back at him. "You know why my trust in you isn't very high? Because you leave me. And don't tell me the full truth. And I think you are scared." Liz laughed mirthlessly. "My truth in you is low because to you, I am nothing more than a game. Today, you are walking away from me like I mean nothing to you. This is why." Liz hesitated before adding one last thought as her emotions finally broke through the brick wall. "Do I really mean so little to you?"

"No, Elizabeth. You mean more to me than you could ever know. You deserve someone that doesn't cause nightmares. Someone you can have children with, and house parties. Someone you can go out with and have fun. I can't do that." The situation finally showing how much he is effected.

"But they won't be you!" She whispered as the dams holding back all her unshed tears broke and they pored down her cheeks.

"I have some unfinished business, various things, enough to keep me busy for a week. Take the time. Go out, take time off from work, do whatever. When I return if you don't want me anymore, so be it, I'll leave. If you want to continue a working relationship we can do that. If you still want me, we can find a way to work out everything. Ok, Lizzie?"

Lizzie! "I don't want you to go!" Elizabeth pouts. "But if this is what we need to do to work out our differences. I'll do it."

/./././././././././.

The first few days were hell, utter hell. No work, no cuddles, no sex... Nothing. She was tense and lonely and irritable. Oh how Liz missed her Raymond.

Day three without him everything hit her hard. Liz hadn't noticed that her friends slowly deserted her after Tom because she had Red with her most of the time with work and then not long after with a romantic relationship. Now without him Liz realized that she truly had no one else. No friends of her own and not a single living family member. And she refused to be that person who sits alone at a bar on a Friday night.

Call him! Her subconscious screamed at her the following Saturday morning. Call him and maybe he'll hear how much you are missing him.

Elizabeth quickly, and rather awkwardly reached for her phone over the arm of the couch almost dropping it to the floor. Quickly she dialed the number she now knew by heart and waited impatiently to speak to him.

"What?" He growled into the phone.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I just, uh..." What could she say? He would surely be angry at her after what she had done. "Missed you." She decided on, whispered almost breathlessly into the phone.

Red sighed, "Like I told you when I left, I'm out doing business. I don't have the time for you to call me up on a whim. I told you to think about us for a week, and I believe it's been four days. Hang up, do something, but do not call me again."

Liz felt the tears prickling at her eye and she knew the second she hung up that the dam was gonna burst and he wouldn't be here to fix it. "I'm sorry. I hope I didn't interrupt anything." She got even quieter. "Please don't hate me." Then hung up before he could say anything.

"Damn it, Lizzie!" Red muttered out loud when he realized she had hung up already. He could never hate her, ever. The past four days have been the worst he has remember after the first meeting with his Lizzie- well if he didn't screw things up right then.

"Raymond-" Dembe called into the hotel suite. "The meeting starts in twenty minutes, we should be going soon."

"Yes, of course." Grabbing the trademark fedora, they left.

This time on day 5, only one day after she got scolded about calling him, he called her. "Elizabeth, leave the house. Please. It has been five days since you have stepped foot outside and it's not good to stay in all the time." Red admonished.

"I'm sorry." Liz whispered, her voice sounding lower and more course than usual. "I didn't mean to cause any problems, you should go back to business."

"I have a break in-between, and your not causing any problems. But swee- the point of this is for you to go out and see what you are missing, not to sit around and dwell."

"If that's what sitting around eating ice cream and watching the notebook on repeat is I would love to dwell more."

"Is that all you have eaten? We really should not keep so much at the house."

"Well, I ordered Chinese once." She stared at an empty food carton, and ice cream container on the coffee table.

"Eat. Not a suggestion, it's a command. And stop this notebook nonsense, one time watching it is one time too many."

"You're not here to make me." Liz said petulantly. He is not going to abandon her then yell at her and then tell her what to do.

"Elizabeth don't make me-"

"Make you what? Make you leave me because I won't tell you about my fucking dream! You know why I won't tell you? This! This is why! This is what I feared! You leaving me! And clearly not needing me! At this point I wish you would have done what you did in my dream! At least I wouldn't be crying on the couch, alone. This is not the type of person I am! I have never needed anyone, but you, god dammit, you make me want you so much." She was yelling and crying, Raymond's heart was being pulled apart in a million different ways.

"What did I do in the dream?" He whispered.

"No!"

"Please tell me."

Liz sighed, she knew she had to tell him or she would without a doubt lose him forever... Well it's now or never. After taking a deep breath she started her tale. "You married me first of all, secondly you killed me. The muzzle of your gun placed tight against my ribs. And I know the first part will never ever happen but the second part," stopping to get her bearings, "I can't help but think that all of what we had was just like before. And it's not you, I swear it's not you. I am so scared of getting used and hurt again. When I was first with Tom I was so convinced it was going to be forever and I want forever with you but I know you don't... Didn't. Clearly." Liz couldn't hold back her feelings and emotions for any longer.

Red was shocked by this. Everything she had said was way more than he had expected, and a thousand times harder to hear her say than he had previously imagined. He had just thought she was remembering the times when they first officially met and given some time she would get over it but this and the fear running through her voice was too much. Lizzie was right, he never had any intentions on marrying her. It was just a piece of paper saying they belong to each other, they have each other now, what's the difference? But it must be something she wants or why would she have mentioned it? Oh Lizzie... The fact that subconsciously she is afraid that he is using her. The whole point of turning himself in was to get her in the end. She was a means to the end and the end itself. Elizabeth is everything and he was stupid for letting her believe he didn't want her forever.


	3. Chapter 3

Liz had been anxiously awaiting his arrival back home, after the end of their last phone call she had been reassure he would come home and they would talk. But would they actually talk about things and fix them? Or would they start yelling at each other? Or would they end up in bed? That was a road that would do nothing to fix the problem. Their anger would just come out onto the treatment of each other in the bedroom and then it would only add fuel to the fire later.

She needed a drink. He always said she would more confident after the alcohol started running through her system.

Wine. Red wine. That would do. Actually it would have to do seeing as there is only red wine and scotch and well... Scotch, not her thing. Only her thing when she was trying to impress him at the beginning of there relationship. Now, he knew better than to even ask if she wanted some. Grabbing a bottle and a glass she walked into the living room.

"I'm home, Lizzie."

"Hi." Liz said meekly, sitting in the white carpeted floor with a scrub brush and a bottle of carpet cleaner with a deep red stain before her along with a bag of broken glass beside her.

"What happened?" He asked helping her up off the ground.

"I was nervous for you to come home and well I have had a few glasses of wine already. Then when I went to go to the bathroom I stumbled into the coffee table. I'm sorry about the stain on the rug." Liz looked up at him with her eyes big and red from crying. It was only a carpet, why was she crying?

He just looked into her eyes, the only contact between the two of them their hands entwined, and he knew that this is what he wanted. "Your eyes are so blue." Red said in awe in his whisper tone that normally would send electricity through her veins but the unresolved tension was much more.

"Please don't be mad at me about the rug." Liz said while her eyes shifted around on different points around the room and his face.

"I'm not mad about the rug. It can be cleaned. I am still a bit mad about the dream situation."

"I should finish cleaning the rug..." She looked away back down to the stained area of the rug. Flashing back to the time when she tried to clean Tom's blood out of their carpeting and found the box. The box that ruined everything seemingly perfect. "I'm sure you have something to do, it's been a week since you've been home."

"Forget about the damn rug!" He snapped, and reached for her arm to keep her standing. Liz saw him reaching out for her and pulled away from him. Fast. "Don't touch me." She ground out from her clenched teeth.

"Oh, don't play this act. You're the helpless girl and I'm the big bad criminal right? Cause that's how you fucking see our relationship."

"Bastard!" She slapped his right cheek. Hard.

"Oh yes. I'm a helpless girl." Liz boasted sarcastically as he rubbed his reddening cheek. "You're the one who keeps secrets from me all the time. I keep one dammed thing from you and then all of the sudden you're leaving me! I am trying but you have to too!"

"I keep things from you only to keep you safe, Elizabeth! Why the hell did you keep your dream from me?" Red shouted at her, enraged that she had the audacity to slap him after everything.

"Because I didn't want to lose you!" Liz yelled back, tears of frustration and raw emotion pouring out. "I don't want to lose you!"

"Oh my," Red tentatively walked over to her and placed his hand over hers which was feverishly rubbing at her scared palm. "You won't lose me."

Liz took a step back again. She felt her still tingling from where he touched her. Everything around her was becoming too much. It was like her senses were on overdrive, and out of control.

"How do I know?" She whispered.

"Because I know what it feels like to be without you for a week, and there is no way on earth I will allow you to slip through my fingers for any longer. I want you."

"How do I know?" Liz whispered again.

"I would give you anything, everything to get you to believe me." Red told her earnestly.

"Marry me. Don't lose me."

Red looked at her in shock, did she just propose to him? After everything and her strange trust issues why in the world would she propose to him? "Lizzie,"

"I love you Raymond Reddington. And I want you to be mine for forever and for always. Marry me... Please."

"You think that this is what you'll want away from the heat of the moment? After we are done fighting? Then what? You can't take it back, Lizzie. Tell me for certain now whether you really want me to marry you. No turning back after this." His tone too detached to understand his true feelings about her proposal. Liz always had a strange feeling he would be taking the big step in their strange relationship.

Taking a deep and cleansing breath, it wouldn't do to snap at him now. "Why do you think we got into this fight in the first place? It was my fear of you not wanting me as much as I want you. So, yes, I want you to marry me."

A few years later...

The nightmare always starts off the same way; Liz and Red are married. Or at least that's what the matching bands around their ring finger suggests. That gives Liz the first sign that she is dreaming. There is no way Red would ever allow that to happen, it is way too dangerous and a man like him would never be tied down to one women. That doesn't stop Liz from being in a relationship with him, she cares for him deeply and not that she would say but she loves him. She just pretends and tells herself that he isn't going to leave her, or do anything to hurt her.

This reoccurring dream is just the manifestation of all of her fears she refused to acknowledge.

And as a couple they are walking hand in hand somewhere Liz knows but not consciously.

And scents of the outdoors mixed with her best friend and lover holding her hand. If the dream could just continue, just like it is at that moment, life would be wonderful.

Then out of now where, and at various points in the dream Red pulls out a gun. Sometimes it right after she looks down at there hands and smiles, other times it's after they kiss and other times it's after Liz says the three little words non-dream Red has never heard escape her lips.

Once the gun is out it only takes a matter if seconds before the muzzle of the gun is placed against the left rib cage. And he laughs dangerously and pulls the trigger.

To which bring us to the end of Liz's dream, or rather her worst nightmare.

The dream is just a distant memory, one Liz doesn't like to look back on. The fears about him leaving gone. Well, all the nightmares are over, and the marriage is real, and together they walk down a road.

Finally, they can be and are happy- together.

Liz looks down at their entwined finger and the glint of the matching wedding bands paints a smile across her face.

She knows it is dangerous and Sam wouldn't approve but this. But this criminal, this man is hers forever and always. Only hers.

And everything is just peaceful. The sounds and scents of the outdoors mixed with her best friend and lover holding her hand. Just like it is at that moment, life is wonderful.

Liz feeling overwhelmed with happiness and love for the man beside her stops the forward moving motion. And sweetly lays her lips on top of his. "I love you." She murmurs against his lips.

Just as she is about to pull away he pulls her back into him. And she giggles and wiggles provocatively against him, feeling him hard against her hip. Then her shirt rides up a bit and she feels the cold metal against her skin and realizes it's a gun. Liz pulls back to see his eyes, in utter shock. The warmth and love that usually radiates from them is lost and replaced with his cold hardened mask. "I was nothing more than a job?"

"I'm sorry, Lizzie." Then with a bang her lifeless body falls to the ground.

Well, she always did have a gift at reading people. Plus, he had wanted to help her achieve her dreams.

/

Please! Don't send me hate mail... and please! also note I do not believe that Red would do such a thing however I have a morbid idea and ran with it after... *points* jadenanne7 told me to do it... blame her. Please review.


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